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You know you’re from Wisconsin if…

You’ve never met any celebrities.
-Check

Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
_Not really, annoying yes – because the road is only 2 lanes anyhow

“Vacation” means playing miniature golf at the Dells.
-Sounds like a vacation to me!

You’ve seen all the biggest bands 10 years after they were popular.
-mmm… nope


You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July.
-Corn

A clean bowling shirt is appropriate attire for a wedding.
-As opposed to a dirty one?

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in
it, no matter what time of the year.
-hundreds of times.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:
Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to town, I wanna go with.”
-Never thought about it. Check

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
grain, or animal.
-pretty much

You install security lights on your house and garage and then leave
both unlocked.
-semi-check

You think of the major four food groups as cheese, beer, brats, and
Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
-minus the beer (replace it with Pizza and it’s all good)

You carry jumper cables in your car.
-Yes I do!

You own just three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
-I also have garlic…

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
-Heck yes! My dinosaur costume I wore for 3 years stright fit over my snowsuit!

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
-Agreed

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
-Well, I can better saw which *not* to use.

You define -20 degrees F “a little chilly.”
-Yeah, thats a little chilly

You know all four seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and
Construction.
-correction/clarification, ‘road construction’

You can gauge the depth of your relationship by the number of fingers
your friends use to wave to you as you pass by on the road.
-how about the people that use one finger?

You measure distance in minutes.
-Platteville is 2:45 from home, 3:00 for my mom…

The corner bar is decorated with neon Pabst signs instead of hanging ferns.
-There are bars with hanging ferns in them?

You know several people who have hit a deer.
-True, how about people that have hit several deer?

Your school classes were cancelled because of cold.
-check

Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
-nope

You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
-actually, yes at one point…

You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
-Yes – and I’ve switched it back to heat at night before too!

You hear someone use the word “oof-dah” and you don’t immediately
break into uncontrollable laughter.
-that’s funny for some people?

You “borrow” your neighbor your snowblower and hope he returns it
before the next storm. (And you don’t know why there are quotation
marks around the word borrow in that sentence.)
-I “borrow” stuff all the time!

You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
-Yes

You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe hunting” are.
-check

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
-check

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one
page, but requires six pages for sports.
-check

You think that opening day of deer season is a national holiday.
-No, but it should be considering how many people take off from work!

Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
-true

You refer to the Packers as “we.”
-sometimes

A significant portion of your relatives work on a dairy farm.
-No

You can make sense out the words upnort and Trivers.
-You can’t?

You can identify a Michigan accent.
-who can’t?

You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.
-Nope

Down South to you means Chicago.
-yes

Traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee.
-never thought of it, but that does work…

The Big Three means Miller, Old Milwaukee, and Pabst Blue Ribbon.
-no

A brat is something you eat.
-oh yeah!

You were offended by the movie Fargo.
-actually, I’ve never seen it…

You know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
-It’s a city – and a river – too.

You have no problem spelling Milwaukee.
-I always spell this one wrong

You consider Madison exotic.
-Just State Street

You know that Gotham is a real city.
-Yep

You can actually pronounce Oconomowoc.
-check

You go out for fish fry every Friday.
-Don’t like fish, but otherwise I would

You can recognize someone from Illinois or Iowa by their driving.
-FIB’s!

Bernie Brewer is your idol because he gets to dive into a giant beer mug.
-who?

You know how to polka.
-baddly…

You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New
London, Poland all in one afternoon.
-sounds like a roadtrip!

You’ve seen mosquitoes with landing lights.
-Whats scary is when they cause sonic booms…

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
-no

At least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
-not mine

Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
-I’ve gotten a shovel stuck on the roof before, does that count?

Bucky the Badger hangs on your Christmas tree even if you didn’t go to
University of Wisconsin-Madison.
-no

You’ve considered voting Brett Favre for president.
-heck no

You can use the word “ya der hey” easily in a sentence.
-yes

Your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor,
or farm animal.
-no

Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.
-of course

You define Summer as three months of bad sledding.
-well, that is true!

You have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
-check

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
-no…

A Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
-sounds like a hot date to me… just kidding

You tell someone where you are from and they say, “I thought that was
part of Canada.”
-actually, yes, I have heard that.

You have more fishing poles than teeth.
-no

Every sweatshirt you own is either red and white or green and gold.
-nope

FFA was the most popular club in high school.
-nope – but it was at college!!

You have eaten a cream puff at the State Fair.
-haven’t been to the state fair, but at a county fair – yes

You have to drive thirty minutes to the nearest movie theater.
-For a while when I lived in Platteville – yes. Was a 45 min drive for one year.

At every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hoky poky
and the chicken dance.
-Don’t mess with tradition.

You ever went to a wedding reception in a bowling alley.
-know people that have done it

You know it’s traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping
between the ceremony and the reception.
-Yep, but I won’t be doing that

You own at least one cheese head.
-I did a few years ago. Not sure what happened to it.

Sunday afternoons are sacred for the Packer game.
-when they were good anyhow

Saturdays are sacred for the Badger game.
-nope

You have ever been to State Street in Madison during a protest of something.
-nope

You get irritated at sports announcers that pronounce it “Wes-con-sin.”
-yes

You have experienced snow storms in May.
-I’ve had school canceled in May due to snow storms.

You have had school closed due to wind chills and frostbite warnings.
-80 below 2 days in a row.

You know what a “flat-lander” is and you know all the “why Wisconsin
is better than Illinois” jokes.
-some, always more

You get choked up when you hear the University Marching Band play “On
Wisconsin” or “Varsity.”
-eh…

You have partied at “Summerfest.”
-nope

You or someone you know was a “Dairy Princess” at a county fair.
-yes

Sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
-going to leave this one unanswered.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
-depends how far north you go… it might be too small.

The trunk of you car doubles as a deep freezer.
-done that before when driving cross state to college!

Your hometown buys a Zamboni when they need a bus.
-no

You drive 65 miles per hour through snow without flinching.
-65? 70 at least.

It takes you three hours to go to the store for one item even when you’re in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
-nope

You buy your Christmas presents at Farm and Fleet or Fleet Farm.
-done that before

You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
-nope, 21

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
-yes

You actually get these jokes and tell all your Wisconsin friends
-does this count?

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